imagine every step you take hurts. imagine just walking to get the phone is like running marathon. as i said i have a slipped disk and ofcourse it had to get worse through the long flight. well it had been a lot better, but on friday evening after the wake it was so bad, my aunt gave me vicadin extra strong. if you've ever taken vicadin imagine taking 10 of them at the same time. i fell asleep straight away.
on saturday i could only shortly go to the church and not to the cemitary or the dinner. i could hardly walk and i couldn't play piano either at the funeral. it is really weird sometimes how things turn out. i had made a cd for my gran with songs i played on the piano. somehow she never was able to receive it before she died and now it had meant so much to me to play but i couldn't.
today i would say i feel a lot better. my back still feels like there's a knife stuck in it. but i would make the same discussion again even if it takes me a year longer untill i move freely again without my back hurting.
this afternoon i took walk to clear my mind and each step cost me a lot of effort. but with each step i will come closer to heal, not only my back but also the wounds of loss.

This is to everyone who has lost someone special. Espectially to you nathalie, because i know how you feel.